Hi Ladies,
As you serve in MOPS you will sometimes have to deal with critics. You know, the mom who doesn't agree with the way you handle things. This article by Blaine Allen has some great Biblical insights for how to handle critics.
Blessings,
Barb
When to Ignore Criticism
As Christian leaders, we have to know when to let criticism roll off us.
by Blaine Allen
You will meet a beautiful young lady who will want to know everything about you," said the psychic to the frog who had telephoned her hotline.
"That's fabulous. Where will I meet her? In the park, along the seashore, on the trail to the woods?"
"No," countered the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."
And that's no fun. Diced to pieces by another on a cold lab table, dissected until your emotional guts hang out. That's just no fun.
Someone has said, "Two things are hard on the heart—running uphill and running down people."
May I suggest a third? Running down yourself.
Unjust criticism—the untrue, excruciating, vicious, Biology 101 criticism—slashes deep. Though the person who criticised you may be gone, the pain and injury is not.
"Am I really that bad?"
"Why did it happen that way? It must be because of me."
"I just can't seem to do anything right."
"I must not have what it takes."
In no time, the hurt person has turned on herself, a cannibal's nightmare. And with an insatiable appetite, she proceeds to consume what remaining shreds of emotional flesh are left.
"Why continue?"
"Who really wants or even needs me?"
"What a failure, an ugly failure, I am."
Brutal words wheeled by brutal thoughts … and another victim is clubbed to a heartrending death. Of course, followers of the Lord should expect unfair treatment. It is part of the Christian career opportunity. Timothy was reminded by the Apostle Paul:
You, however, know all about my teaching, my way of life, my purpose, faith, patience, love, endurance, persecutions, sufferings—what kinds of things happened to me in Antioch, Iconium and Lystra, the persecutions I endured. Yet the Lord rescued me from all of them. In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted (2 Timothy 3:10–12).
Jesus taught, in what is probably his most famous sermon: Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me (Matthew 5:10–11).
Since biased criticism will increase the more we grow in the likeness of our Lord and take seriously his call, there must be a better way to mentally handle what is vented.
Therapy for the Bruised Psyche
There is—a biblical way. Paul was often the prey of stabbing tongues, and it wasn't all from unbelievers. One of the sickest New Testament churches labeled the great apostle Paul an absolute failure.
Paul, you don't know how to speak.
Paul, you are not really an apostle.
Paul, you are not very gifted.
Paul, you don't know how to lead.
Paul, with your handicap, you leave a bad impression.
Paul, as we rank you with others, you don't measure up. You're just not effective.
Rumors like that had to hurt, especially from a people Paul had shepherded to the Lord and spent much time encouraging in their new faith.
The Corinthians took the apostle apart piece by piece. It was Biology 101, and he was the subject being verbally dissected. Laying him out on their cold lab table in one bloody mess, the Corinthians decreed: "You're a failure, Paul, and you need to know it … an absolute failure."
He didn't know it and had no intentions of knowing it. Read his response:
So then, men ought to regard us as servants of Christ and as those entrusted with the secret things of God. Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful. I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God (1 Corinthians 4:1–5).
He was polite, courteous, but to the point: "I don't care." When it was evident that the detractors were not heaven's messengers, the apostle mentally blew it off. "I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court."
Know Who You Are
As Ralph drove down the freeway, the cell phone rang: "Ralph, this is your wife. I just heard on the news that some idiot is driving the wrong way down 1-95. Be careful."
"Hazel, it's not just one car … there's hundreds of them."
Perspective often determines outcome. And when you are the recipient of in-your-face criticism, that is especially so. The way you and I view ourselves determines how well we handle harsh words.
We live and minister at a time when the Western evangelical church is making a historic paradigm shift. Less and less, Scripture is our sole authority. More and more, a culture that mirrors an antibiblical value system has the final say. In the name of relevance, demographic research determines our music and the shape of our message so that we can reinvent ourselves to appeal to the greatest number. Though perhaps done from positive motives, the results are staggering: The audience is not just the customer, it has been crowned sovereign king. "Do it this way… . We don't like it done that way… . Don't forget, we can vote with our pocketbook and our feet." Sovereign king.
To take the heat in the midst of such a radical shift and live to tell about it, we must understand and embrace heaven's perspective on servanthood. We must hear again the true sovereign King's stance on those who lead for him. With it, we can endure for the long haul, no matter how "worldly" our Lord's bride becomes.
Paul knew that perspective. Though Paul's response to criticism in 1 Corinthians 4 is not the primary gallery of God's thoughts toward his own, there are some unforgettable portraits, like the two viewed in verse 1: "So then, men ought to regard us as servants of Christ and as those entrusted with the secret things of God."
Servants of Christ. "Yes," you say, "that's what I am."
Great. That's what I am, too … some of the time.
Only when I look closer at what a servant really is, I'm confronted with a troubling feeling that this snapshot is not always me. The photo is not of a person running one of heaven's regional offices as vice president of operations. It's not an executive setting the vision and agenda for the kingdom from corporate headquarters. It's not the perfectly dressed Coordinator of the mega fundraiser. Based on Paul's choice of words from the original, a servant is a person clothed in sweat and the stench that comes along with it. This is a take-orders trench person doing what another tells him to do without raising an eyebrow. It was an expression used in Paul's day to depict those who rowed from the lowest tier in the belly of the ship, an odious, painful place to be.
And as an authentic servant of Jesus Christ, you row. Not as a favor, but because it's your place. Assignments are made, not choices given; chores are done, not careers chased. With love, for sure—love for the Master with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength—but a love that finds expression through the bent knee. You do what you are told even if no one else does it with you. You do it when others wouldn't dare. You do it unrecognized. You do it unappreciated. You just do it because you are his servant at his beck and call. If there are laurels for what was ordered, you know Who really deserves them. If there is something less … after thinking about it, you are not surprised; that's part of being a servant. Jesus said so: "So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty'" (Luke 17:10).
So what is really bothering you?
Are you reeling from the shock of unscrupulous criticism? That's understandable. But adjusting to the reality of "now," is there anything else that has bent you out of shape? Do the reverberations from what others think, say, and do torment you? Does the thought of facing people who've heard things that simply are not true horrify you? Are you afraid that the words that gored will cost you advancement, your job, not to mention friends and you just cannot shake it? To stagger from the shock is again understandable. But to stagger from more than shock may indicate that you cannot say with Paul, "I care very little," because you are an honest person, and you really care a whole lot.
Servants don't care a whole lot. What they do, they do because of the Master. It is the Master's responsibility to handle the fallout. The burden is his, not the servant's, to control the critic and grapple with the repercussions.
So what if you have encouraged, supported, and even wept with your critic, who has now taken a hunk out of your hide? You did not choose to serve your critic; God made that choice. Your choice was to be a servant. He assigned to you the task to serve someone he knew would bite the hand that fed it. As an unworthy servant, you only did your duty. You did what you were told to do.
Where I live they still ride on the back of the trash truck. Stopping at every house along the way, the two men do what few really want to do. Sometimes it's to pick up an end table, footstool, maybe a bench … stuff that looks pretty good to me. At other times it's to pick up what smells foul. But the two do what they are supposed to do, even if what's picked up is covered with maggots. As servants of Waste Management, these men just do not care a whole lot.
But me? When I walk through our neighborhood, I have been known to check out a rocking chair at the curb, a wheelbarrow, even a rake, just to see if it's something I could use. But garbage? Maggot-infested garbage? No way. I'm very selective. Somebody else can deal with that mess. Because I am not a servant of Waste Management, I am very, very picky.
Servants of Jesus Christ are not picky. Dealing with maggot-infested crud that's brought to the curb is not their favorite thing to do. Sometimes it really smells, but that comes with ministry. It's part of the assignment. Authentic servants of Jesus Christ just don't care a whole lot. And because they don't, it's easier for them to "blow it off."
"Men ought to regard us as … those entrusted with the secret things of God" (1 Cor. 4:1). Who are "those entrusted"? Think of an investment broker responsible for someone else's money or a flight attendant caring for the needs of his passengers—that is the idea behind the phrase. This is the second portrait in Paul's gallery. For the apostle, the entrusted assets—food of truth—were the "secret things of God" managed for his Master. Feeding God's household was an awesome responsibility, for which the cook dare not tinker with the assigned recipes. This was not Paul's own dinner to doctor up. Everything was God's—the food, the gifts to prepare the food, the know-how to serve it in the right way at the right time to the right people. All of it was from God. Because it was, Paul answered to him, not to his critics.
Remember who your audience is. You live your life, use His spiritual gifts, serve as a servant, all before the audience of One. Your ultimate accountability is to him. He, and He alone, determines what success is and what it's not.
This is not to imply people should not hold people accountable. Quite the contrary. The Lord interposes individuals into our lives who are commissioned by him to hold us responsible within their various spheres of influence. They are supervisors, teachers, pastors, elders, deacons, board members, mentors and those who serve in civil government to name a few.
But there are some who simply assume that role. They believe all balance sheets—mistakes, no mistakes, bad work, good work, what's said, what's not said—are due on their desk. There are others who rightfully have oversight, but abuse it. They don't hold people accountable; they execute them.
When told by either the power usurper or the power abuser, "You can't cut it," you must remember who ultimately makes cuts. If we do, with Paul we can say, "I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court" (1 Cor. 4:3a). It's looking into God's gallery and seeing our portrait: one entrusted.
One of the worst ministry blunders you can make is to think you are working for someone else.
I work for the mission board.
I work for the elder/deacon board.
I work for the senior pastor.
I work for the congregation.
I work for a "parachurch" ministry.
I work for the denomination.
I work for the school.
And the most deadly is the attitude of a spiritual entrepreneur: "I work for myself."
No, you are a servant of the living God, and an unworthy servant at that. You work for him. God puts his servants in various places to accomplish his purposes. Though we are to submit with positive attitudes and our very best effort for all those placed in proper authority over us, it's from him that we live to hear, "Well done."
What, then, is the point of coming unglued over unfounded criticism? Did you use your abilities loaned from above to carry out duties assigned to you by the Lord? Did you carry them out with a passionate diligence? Have you been teachable? Are you still teachable? Are you still willing to be corrected if wrong or shown a better way?
You said "Yes"? Then, friend, with graciousness, "blow it off."
Taken from When People Throw Stones © 2005 by Blaine Allen. Published by Kregel Publications, Grand Rapids, MI. Used by permission of the publisher. All rights reserved.
Area Coordinator's (AC's) Corner

Nichole Bethel, Zone 22 AC
CONVENTION UPDATE
Ta da! A Convention announcement!
We just signed the papers and we thank you for your prayers as we worked on moving, well, a whole lotta details in just a few days.
Drum roll #1: The Gaylord Palms in Kissimmee, FL (Orlando area) was able to welcome us (in the midst of many conventions needing to move).
Drum roll #2: We're able to keep the registration fees the same, so some of you might decide to come early or stay late, and enjoy the Orlando amenities with your friends (or family).
And thanks for all the great ideas of cities! You helped our future dreaming. 'Twould be fun!
And again, it will be great because of Who we'll be with: "Where(ver) two or three (thousand) are gathered in my name, there am I with them." (Mt. 18:20, our year's theme verse with my additions).
Naomi Cramer Overton
Convention Details:
The MOPS International Convention will be at the Gaylord Palms, Kissimmee, FL (Orlando area). Dates will be the same, August 5-7, 2010. Speakers and artists will be the same great lineup — Julie Barnhill, Margaret Feinberg, Donald Miller, Naomi Cramer Overton, Shelly Radic, Go Fish, Mandisa, The Katinas and Richie McDonald.
Convention registration will re-open on Monday, May 17.
The early bird registration deadline will be extended to June 7.
We are working with the Gaylord Opryland for an official letter we can provide to anyone who has already purchased airline tickets to use with airlines to avoid rebooking fees. This letter should assist you in rebooking airline tickets — it will be posted online at www.MOPS.org/convention.
We continue to pray for families and businesses affected by the flooding and we have sent MOPS materials to local MOPS leaders who are distributing supplies in the Nashville area.
MOPS International Convention 2010
August 5-7, 2010
Gaylord Palms, Orlando FL
Check back often for more information!
Your MOPS International Convention Checklist:
Register for Convention (re-opens May 17)
Reserve a room at the hotel (register first!)
Schedule shuttle transportation
We just signed the papers and we thank you for your prayers as we worked on moving, well, a whole lotta details in just a few days.
Drum roll #1: The Gaylord Palms in Kissimmee, FL (Orlando area) was able to welcome us (in the midst of many conventions needing to move).
Drum roll #2: We're able to keep the registration fees the same, so some of you might decide to come early or stay late, and enjoy the Orlando amenities with your friends (or family).
And thanks for all the great ideas of cities! You helped our future dreaming. 'Twould be fun!
And again, it will be great because of Who we'll be with: "Where(ver) two or three (thousand) are gathered in my name, there am I with them." (Mt. 18:20, our year's theme verse with my additions).
Naomi Cramer Overton
Convention Details:
The MOPS International Convention will be at the Gaylord Palms, Kissimmee, FL (Orlando area). Dates will be the same, August 5-7, 2010. Speakers and artists will be the same great lineup — Julie Barnhill, Margaret Feinberg, Donald Miller, Naomi Cramer Overton, Shelly Radic, Go Fish, Mandisa, The Katinas and Richie McDonald.
Convention registration will re-open on Monday, May 17.
The early bird registration deadline will be extended to June 7.
We are working with the Gaylord Opryland for an official letter we can provide to anyone who has already purchased airline tickets to use with airlines to avoid rebooking fees. This letter should assist you in rebooking airline tickets — it will be posted online at www.MOPS.org/convention.
We continue to pray for families and businesses affected by the flooding and we have sent MOPS materials to local MOPS leaders who are distributing supplies in the Nashville area.
MOPS International Convention 2010
August 5-7, 2010
Gaylord Palms, Orlando FL
Check back often for more information!
Your MOPS International Convention Checklist:
Register for Convention (re-opens May 17)
Reserve a room at the hotel (register first!)
Schedule shuttle transportation
MOPS Convention ~ August 5-7, 2010
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Is Your Steering Team a Committee or a Community?
As the MOPS year begins to wrap up, many of you will be experiencing changes in your Steering Teams. Some people will move on, others will change positions, and there may even be some fresh faces joining you. For some groups, all the Steering positions are filled and you are probably looking forward to your summer and a new year. Other groups may be going through some minor changes, while others may be changing a great deal. Finally, there are some groups that will be struggling to fill their Steering positions. Please don't be discouraged and remember to pray. Whether you are a Steering Team of 10 or 3, I urge you to take the time to build your team as a community rather than a committee. Sometimes Steering Team members can become so overwhelmed and/or focused with planning the MOPS meetings that they don't make time to build relationships with one another.
You will be amazed to find that as your Steering Team becomes a community rather than a committee, Steering Team members will want to come and participate. Consider this perspective on creating community in your Steering Team:"The univited guests in your meeting are our emotions, family problems, and personal concerns. Like little gremlins, they sneak in and mess up a meeting by discharging frustrations in speeches on topics totally unrelated to what is really bothering us. In a community, there are no uninvited guests. The whole person is invited. We take time to catch up with each other, pray for needs, and then go on to business."
(Roberta Hestenes from MOPS Connections 07/04 pg 17)
One way to help build your committee into a community is addressed by Carol Kuykendall in her
writing titled "Steering Synergy:Working Together for Better Results"
Synergy – what does the word bring to mind and how does it apply to you and your MOPS leadership? Granted, it sounds like a techno-term, referring to something strange and invisible that happens in cyberspace. But actually, the word refers to what happens when two or more people work together to achieve something better than they could achieve alone. Synergy comes out of team unity.
“I can do what you can’t do, and you can do what I can’t do. Together we can do great things.” -- Mother Teresa
How is your Steering Team’s synergy?
We recently asked MOPS leaders this question in a MOPS Leaders On-Line e-mail letter. We got many responses with practical suggestions. Most leaders agreed that synergy is crucial to the success of a MOPS group.
Leisa Larson, Council Coordinator from Lincoln, NE, writes: “I learned that unity and shared vision were intertwined. Here are several things we have done to foster unity on our Steering Team. Each piece contributes to the oneness we have as leaders.”
We sign a Steering Team covenant. We outline and commit to a list of Steering Team expectations so we are all on the same page, regarding our level of commitment. This is also helpful to share with potential Steering Team members. (Here is a sample covenant)
Together we choose a Bible verse to claim for our Steering Team. Ours this year is Philippians 2:2 about “being one in spirit and purpose.”
We have prayer time at every MOPS Steering Team meeting, sometimes spending half our meeting in prayer. This is especially important for a new Steering Team or one with several new members. Spending time in prayer knits our hearts with the power only God can provide.
We take an annual weekend retreat together, which includes training, plenty of time for sharing our hearts, and lots of good food. We also spend time discovering our personality types and how to work together.
We try hard to handle any conflicts in a timely fashion, with as much love and grace as possible. The more we realize how much we all love God, love each other, love MOPS, and love our moms, the easier it is to realize true unity of spirit.
Tami Kuratli, Co-Coordinator at Grace Foursquare MOPS group in Camas, WA, describes a Steering Team activity to build unity:
“We have a team-building time at the beginning of each Steering Team meeting. My Co-Coordinator and I asked each woman to bring a rock to our next meeting. At the meeting, we had gel pens so they could write their names on their rocks and decorate them. We told each one to pass her rock to the person on the right, and then asked each leader to take the rock home and put it somewhere where she would see it and pray for that person each time she looked at it. The rock represents Jesus, upon whom our lives and our MOPS group are built.”
Suggestions from other leaders include:
Be friends first. Invest in each other. Make sure you communicate regularly.
Get to know each other better. Take a Personality or Personal Strengths survey and learn to work together. In the book Real Moms by Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykendall, the chapter on “Real Me Mom” offers a short personality test. Click Here for the personality test from What Every Mom Needs. For help with Adobe files click here.
When you face disunity, be open with each other; agree to disagree on some issues, and move on!
Do a Bible study or devotional book study together. Several groups suggested studies they have found beneficial – What Every Mom Needs Bible Study (Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykendall), The Power of a Praying Wife (Stormie Omartian), Becoming a Woman of Prayer (Cynthia Heald), A Women’s Guide to Servant Leadership (Rhonda Kelly).
Gather some prayer warriors to pray for each person on your Steering Team. Perhaps your MOPS Mentor can find more prayer warriors. Each Steering Team member can take an area of the MOPS ministry and pray specifically for that area. Share praise reports! Steering Team synergy helps your team accomplish your goals. This goal of unity is really God’s idea. He created us as relational beings, in need of him and each other. He desires that we be “knit together in love” (Colossians 2:2) as we achieve his work on earth.
You will be amazed to find that as your Steering Team becomes a community rather than a committee, Steering Team members will want to come and participate. Consider this perspective on creating community in your Steering Team:"The univited guests in your meeting are our emotions, family problems, and personal concerns. Like little gremlins, they sneak in and mess up a meeting by discharging frustrations in speeches on topics totally unrelated to what is really bothering us. In a community, there are no uninvited guests. The whole person is invited. We take time to catch up with each other, pray for needs, and then go on to business."
(Roberta Hestenes from MOPS Connections 07/04 pg 17)
One way to help build your committee into a community is addressed by Carol Kuykendall in her
writing titled "Steering Synergy:Working Together for Better Results"
Synergy – what does the word bring to mind and how does it apply to you and your MOPS leadership? Granted, it sounds like a techno-term, referring to something strange and invisible that happens in cyberspace. But actually, the word refers to what happens when two or more people work together to achieve something better than they could achieve alone. Synergy comes out of team unity.
“I can do what you can’t do, and you can do what I can’t do. Together we can do great things.” -- Mother Teresa
How is your Steering Team’s synergy?
We recently asked MOPS leaders this question in a MOPS Leaders On-Line e-mail letter. We got many responses with practical suggestions. Most leaders agreed that synergy is crucial to the success of a MOPS group.
Leisa Larson, Council Coordinator from Lincoln, NE, writes: “I learned that unity and shared vision were intertwined. Here are several things we have done to foster unity on our Steering Team. Each piece contributes to the oneness we have as leaders.”
We sign a Steering Team covenant. We outline and commit to a list of Steering Team expectations so we are all on the same page, regarding our level of commitment. This is also helpful to share with potential Steering Team members. (Here is a sample covenant)
Together we choose a Bible verse to claim for our Steering Team. Ours this year is Philippians 2:2 about “being one in spirit and purpose.”
We have prayer time at every MOPS Steering Team meeting, sometimes spending half our meeting in prayer. This is especially important for a new Steering Team or one with several new members. Spending time in prayer knits our hearts with the power only God can provide.
We take an annual weekend retreat together, which includes training, plenty of time for sharing our hearts, and lots of good food. We also spend time discovering our personality types and how to work together.
We try hard to handle any conflicts in a timely fashion, with as much love and grace as possible. The more we realize how much we all love God, love each other, love MOPS, and love our moms, the easier it is to realize true unity of spirit.
Tami Kuratli, Co-Coordinator at Grace Foursquare MOPS group in Camas, WA, describes a Steering Team activity to build unity:
“We have a team-building time at the beginning of each Steering Team meeting. My Co-Coordinator and I asked each woman to bring a rock to our next meeting. At the meeting, we had gel pens so they could write their names on their rocks and decorate them. We told each one to pass her rock to the person on the right, and then asked each leader to take the rock home and put it somewhere where she would see it and pray for that person each time she looked at it. The rock represents Jesus, upon whom our lives and our MOPS group are built.”
Suggestions from other leaders include:
Be friends first. Invest in each other. Make sure you communicate regularly.
Get to know each other better. Take a Personality or Personal Strengths survey and learn to work together. In the book Real Moms by Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykendall, the chapter on “Real Me Mom” offers a short personality test. Click Here for the personality test from What Every Mom Needs. For help with Adobe files click here.
When you face disunity, be open with each other; agree to disagree on some issues, and move on!
Do a Bible study or devotional book study together. Several groups suggested studies they have found beneficial – What Every Mom Needs Bible Study (Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykendall), The Power of a Praying Wife (Stormie Omartian), Becoming a Woman of Prayer (Cynthia Heald), A Women’s Guide to Servant Leadership (Rhonda Kelly).
Gather some prayer warriors to pray for each person on your Steering Team. Perhaps your MOPS Mentor can find more prayer warriors. Each Steering Team member can take an area of the MOPS ministry and pray specifically for that area. Share praise reports! Steering Team synergy helps your team accomplish your goals. This goal of unity is really God’s idea. He created us as relational beings, in need of him and each other. He desires that we be “knit together in love” (Colossians 2:2) as we achieve his work on earth.
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